i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
