Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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