Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
