I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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