Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
