the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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