He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
