My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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