Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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