My girlfriend figured out who you are.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
