I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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