We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
