her vagine was all disorganized.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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