so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
