girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
