I am puke
two words...techno handjob
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
