You made me cry and you don't even care
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize