I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
