i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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