I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
