I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
