they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
