Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
