fuck your aforementioned shoe
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
