just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
