The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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