I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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