i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
