I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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