gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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