I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
