**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
