Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
