So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
