another moral hangover. fuck.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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