i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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