She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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