I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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