you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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