Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
