At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
