hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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