Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
