I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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