I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
