What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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