Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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