You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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