What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
