Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
